Stuck in Cleveland with You 

(to the tune "Stuck in the Middle with You)

 

Well, I don't know why I came here tonight
I got the feeling that something ain't right
I'm so scared in case I drop my glass
And I'm wondering who created this ass
Lefties to the left of me, Birthers to the right,
Where am I?  stuck in Cleveland with you
Yes, I'm stuck in Cleveland with you,
And I'm wondering what Howard Metzenbaum would do
It's so hard to keep this smile on my face,
Losing control, and I'm all over the place
Birthers to the left of me, Lefties to the right,
Here I am, stuck in Cleveland with you
Well, you started off with nothing,
And you're proud that you're a self-made man
And your friends they all come crawling,
Slap you on the back and say,
Please, please

Trying to make some sense of it all,
But I can see it makes no sense at all
Is it cool to go to sleep on the floor?
'Cause I don't think that I can take anymore

Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you

And you started off with nothing,
And you're proud that you're a self-made man
And your friends they all come crawling,
Slap you on the back and say,
Please, please.

Yeah, I don't know why I came here tonight
I got the feeling that Trump just ain't right
I'm so scared that I might be losing my hair
And I'm wondering how life could be fair

Democrats to the left of me, Bernie to the right,
Here I am, stuck in Philadelphia with them
Yes, I'm stuck Philadelphia with them
Stuck in Philadelphia with them
Here I am, stuck in Philadelphia with them

I think you should meet us so we can talk about your Diabetus

I think you should meet us
So we can talk about your Diabetus
The ancient greek poet
Was too sweet and didn’t know it
Too much potatoes and bread
And you may find yourself dead
We would prefer that you eat your boogers
Than fill up your diet with too many sugars
Is that your second plate of pasta?
They are saying in the kitchen, Basta!
You a love too mucha the spaghetti
And you makin your pancreas
Turn to confetti.


You may think you’re wealthy
But you ain’t shit if you ain’t healthy
You like a whopper with cheese
And eat anything you please
Of pastries you take your pick
Even though it will make you sick
At least you aren’t taking illegal drugs
Or consorting in alleys with sketchy thugs

You take a look at all that food
You need to reorient your attitude, 
You need to stop it you stupid dude
Or you will find your body will be royally screwed.