Monday, March 31, 2014

Requiem for Frosty the Snowman

(A poem in free verse)


Where are the snow women? The snow children?
Here truly, the children are fathers of the men.

But wait!

Those snow men look a little forlorn out there.
I salute thee, Frosty, for being so sanguine about your inevitable demise.
Out, out, brief candle!
The snowman is a tale told by an idiot to a madman, both shivering.
In the end all is slush!

And then, what will be left of you?
Some bits of coal, a carrot, a corncob pipe, a soggy hat and scarf and maybe some old tree twigs.
Your mind will be the first to go, of course.
And cool heads will prevail,
But only to the next thaw.
But even if it stays cold the wind will suck the life out of you.
So, as your head sinks below your shoulders, keep smiling!
Even as you fwump for the last time.

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Parody: Deep in the Heart of Taxes


Parody:  I have to do my Taxes

The stars at night are big and bright
But I have to do my Taxes
My accountant's fee is way too high
So I have to do my Taxes
The IRS is in the room
So I have to do my Taxes
Send my love to the Feds and gov
Cause I have to pay my Taxes

The coyotes wail but I can't fail
to go and pay my Taxes
The rabbits rush and hop about
They don't have to pay my Taxes
The cowboys cry, "Ki yippee yi!"
When they saw how much I pay in Taxes
The dogies bawl and bawl and bawl
But I have to do my Taxes


Accountants fight all through the night
But I have to do my Taxes
The amount I pay is wide and high
And I have to do my Taxes.

Parody: Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be turkeys


Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be turkeys
Don't let them gobble their food and drive in old trucks
Make 'em be chickens or pheasants or ducks
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be turkeys
They'll never stay home and they're always alone
Even when they're in a flock

Turkeys ain't easy to love and they're harder to hold
And they'd rather give you a giblet than diamonds or gold.
Trussed up and basted and lying there wasted
For them each night begins a new day
And if you don't beat them, and nobody eats them
They'll probably just fly away

Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be turkeys
Don't let them gobble their food and drive in old trucks
Make 'em be chickens or pheasants or ducks
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be turkeys
They'll never stay home and they're always alone
Even when they're in a flock.

A turkey loves dusty old barnyards and clear mountain mornings
Cranberry sauce, and stuffing, with plenty of gravy,
Them that don't know him won't taste him and them that do
Sometimes won't know how to chew him
He's not wrong he just tastes different and his pride won't let him
Do things to make you think he's right

Mama don't let your babies grow up to be turkeys
Don't let them gobble gobble and drive in old trucks
Make 'em be chickens or pheasants or ducks
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be turkeys
They'll never stay home and they're always alone
Even with they're in a flock.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

The Adventures of Mentalman

Mentalman:  thinks faster than a speeding bullet
More powerful than a Cray computer
Able to retrieve obscure facts by scratching his head, 

(Crowd of Onlookers, one of them Italian):

"Look what's up with this guy?
He's a weird
He's insane
It's MENTALMAN"

Yes it's MENTALMAN strange visitor from another planet
who came to Earth with thoughts and abilities far beyond those of the average Joe or Joanne.

MENTALMAN, who can teach a graduate course in macroeconomics, 
Bend logic in his bare hands...
And who, disguised as Clark Kent, Ph.D., 
Absent Minded Professor for a local community college
fights a never ending battle for logic, mathematics, and
and the intellectual way.

And now another exciting episode in the Adventures of MENTALMAN!!!




 

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

She Wore Black Velcro

Black Velcro

She wore Black Velcro
Blacker than Velcro was the night
Everything stuck to her real tight
From the start

She wore Black Velcro
Blacker than Velcro were her eyes
She wore Velcro underwear on her thighs
Love was ours

I was stuck on her real tight
Getting her hooks in me that night
Man but that velcro held me tight
But when she left, the ripping sound was deafening

Black Velcro
But in my heart there'll always be
Something gripping me tenaciously
Through the years

And I still can hear Black Velcro
Ripping through my tears

She wore Black Velcro
But in my heart there'll always be
Precious and warm, a memory
Through the years

And I still can hear Black Velcro
Ripping through my tears



Saturday, March 8, 2014

Parody: I've Got You Babe (Sonny and Cher)


Note:  I wrote this parody to express my consternation at the reelection of Barack Obama, not that Romney was so great either, but then at least he wasn't Obama.  

YOU GOT ME BABE 



[HER:] They say we're young and have no clue
But for every vote they got, darlin’ we got two
[HIM:] Well I do know this state is blue  'Cause they got me, and baby they got you 
[HIM:] Oh Bama! 
[BOTH:] You got me babe You got me babe 
[HER:] They say Obama can pay the rent, Before it's earned, our money's all been spent 
[HIM:] I guess that's so, he’s been smoking pot,  But at least I'm sure of all the things he’s not 
[HIM:] Why? 
[BOTH:] You got me babe You got me babe 
[HIM:] I got Arabs in the spring I got you to use your thing 
[HER:] And when I'm sad, Barack’s a clown, And if I get scared, he’s always around 
[HER:] So they say this blame game’s gone on too long
'Cause I don't care, with Obama I can't go wrong 
[HIM:] Then put your little hand in his,  There ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb 
[HIM:] Why?
[BOTH:] You got me babe You got me babe 
[HIM:] I got to call you on my Obamaphone
[HER:] With the Dems in power you’re not alone 
[HER:] I got him to soak the rich
[HIM:] I got stamps to feed my bitch
[HIM:] I got him to kiss goodnight 
[HER:] I got him to hold me tight 
[HIM:]  He’s got your money, He won't let go 
[HER:] He gives it back to you, you love him so
[HIM:]  Why?
[BOTH:] You got me babe
You got me babe
You got me babe
You got me babe
You got me babe

Parody: Our House by Crosby Stills and Nash

I'll light the fire, you place the flowers
In the urn that you emptied today
Staring at the fire for hours and hours
While I watch you burn your dead pets
All night long for me, only for me

Come to me now, and rest your head
For just five minutes, everything is cooked
Such a smoky room, the windows are all greasy
Lit By the cop spotlight through them
Fiery gems for you, only for you

La la….la.


Our mouse, is a very, very, very happy mouse
The two cats run over by a car, life used to be so hard
Now everything is easy, cause they’re gone.
Our house, is a very, very, very fine house
With two cops in a car, life used to be so hard
Now everyone's arrested, 'cause you cooked


Next time…
I’ll do the arson, while you steal the flowers
From the cemetery that we visited today.

Parody: The Windmills of your Mind




The biscuits of you mind


square, like a box within a box
Like a cube within a cube.
Always ending and beginning,
 On an ever floppy boob
Like a snowball down a mountain
Or a carnivorous babboon
Like some barbasol that’s burning
On your face just like the moon
Like a duck that goes on quacking
Like it thinks that it’s a loon
And the world is like  McDonalds
Getting Loud and out of tune
Like the dead ends that you find
In the circuits of your mind

Like a funnel that you follow
To a jug of Newman’s own
Down a hollow to a tavern
With artwork that’s on loan
Like white stuff that keeps melting
In a dish of good ice cream
Or the ripples from an insect
You saw swimming in a stream.
Like a duck that won’t stop quacking
With a dumb look on it's face
And the world is like an apple
Its circuitry all in place.
Like the gravy that you find
On the biscuits of your mind

I have a rocket in my pocket
Words that fall down and lie dead
Why did winter go so quickly
Did I spend that much time in bed?
The cops are knocking at the door,
And walking through the muck
Was the sound of distant drumming
Just the quacking of a duck.
Breakfast drying on the table
And a ding without a dong
Half remembered names and faces
And where’d I leave my thong?
When your car would not turn over
And she was eaten by a bear
And the autumn leaves were turning
To the color of her hair
Like a box inside a box
Like a cube within a cube
Never ending so annoying
On an ever spinning wheel
As you wish that you’d go blind
Like the trademark that you find
In the recesses of your mind.


Prisoners hanging in a dungeon
And the fragment of this song
Fulminating psychosis
And your breath is kinda strong

When you were looking for dear Rover
Were you suddenly impressed
By its outline in the pavement

Where a dumptruck it had messed

Like an ill-considered meal
Like the organs of a gorgon
Like a baby at the wheel
Always turning never steering
On an ever spinning wheel
As you are severely taxed and fined
Like the revenue code internal
In the backstreets of your mind.