I can make your hands clap (parody)

An idle mind is a terrible thing to waste.  I waste mine at the retail store rewriting lyrics on Muzak. Such as this one:  This one was a hoot.

Turn it up
Somebody save your soul 'cause you've been grabbin too much pussy, I know
Too many troubles, with Russian hands and Roman fingers 
You’re like a thug to me, shooting missiles into the sea
I want the good life, every good night you're got a hard one
'Cause you don't even know
I think you need your hands slapped
 You really need your hands slapped

Somebody save my soul because I’ve been sinning in this city, I know
Too many troubles, all these lovers got me losing control
You're like a drug to me, a luxury, my sugar and gold
I want your sex but use a condom when I’m holdin' you close
'Cause you don't even know
I can give your bad clap
Said I can give your bad clap

Every night when the stars come out
Am I the only living soul around?
Need to believe you could hold me down
'Cause I'm in need of toilet paper good right now
I could be screamin' and rockin on the potty 
And when I wake with a bad smell all around
Get on my knees expecting a visit from Mister Brown

I need to take a big crap
Said I need to take a big crap

(Turn it up)

My garmin is searchin' for your worst and best, don't ever deny
I'm like an infection, gimme me direction, all your lefts and your rights
How to get from Broadway to the freeway, you're a keeper of the wines
Fear no conviction, driving too fast will surely double your fines
But you don't even know

I can’t read my road map
too dark to read my road map


I  
Every night when the stars come out
Am I the only living soul around?
Need to believe you could tie me down
'Cause I'm in need of somethin' good right now
I can be screamin to get the turd to come out
And when I wake a fart’s the only sound
Get on my knees and say a prayer to James Brown

I think you need your hands slapped
I can give you bad clap
I need to take a big crap
It’s too dark to read my road map

So can I get a hand clap?

:)